I know it isn't a guarantee that I actually am saving myself.
But, if anything bad happens because I did not try for myself,
I can live with the fact that I tried to make effort and save myself. I told the right people: a Dr and a social worker.
It was not a confession on my wrongdoing; a reminder that I think I am not the one to blame.
Did I win? No. The Social worker actually encouraged me to take my meds.
I kept my promise in the end and called her a wigger to her face and that she is full of shit like everyone else.
Only my Dr and social worker know what I said, if I am in a battle of competence; I trust myself to know what I said for or against them.
I do notice some remarks where people expect me to be practically a nun to get the respect and honesty that I want, I respond back: screw you, you're ridiculous, you cannot personally rob me and cause me to feel any guilt or shame upon myself.
I do not know what will happen from here.
But, I gave myself enough satisfaction and fight TO NEVER HATE ON MYSELF OR BEAT MYSELF UP AGAIN OVER ANYTHING.
I screamed for help with everything in me.
I am satisfied in myself. Know that.
Sodium silicate bonded sand - a mixture of silica sand with 3-4% of sodium silicate (waterglass, NaO*nSiO2*mH2O). The bonding forms when sodium silicate reacts with CO2, which is applied to the mixture: NaO*nSiO2 + CO2 = Na2CO3 + SiO2. The mixture is called “no bake” since the binding process does not require heat treatment (baking). Sodium silicate bonded sand is widely used for the preparation of cores.
Note to Richard Roberts: I saw the remark where you think I am vain concerning "Mo." Read me correctly: I am not rebelling on the matter of beastiality. My anger and fight is directed at the fact that you blow your fight way out of proportion. I have suffered extreme and insurmountable amounts of abuse. I think it is sick that you use something that happened so long ago against me to this day. Anything that I would pursue, you would use that as your excuse everytime, when it is not relevant, when it is not in the present, and even when there is unintelligent interrogations going on. I'm tired of you trying to bring me down and use this as an excuse everytime I seek success or love. I think it is overboard and ridiculous demonizing and harassment and that we are nowhere being even when it comes to harassment and demonizing. Richard Roberts reference:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/01/05/science/06sandmap.html
